The Book That Made Me Live A Better Story

I have always been a book worm, it runs in the family- there have been times when I have read 3 books in a day; it took me less than a week to finish the whole Harry Potter series. I have also always believed that not one of us is truly original, we are made up of our experiences, the films we watch, the people we know: the books we read. But I have never been able to confidently pin-point a single book that shaped the way I lived my life or that completely changed my perspective on a situation. That was until I read ‘A Million Miles in a Thousand Years’ by Donald Miller, and I can now say that- without a shadow of a doubt- that this book changed my life.

The novel chronicles how the process of turning his previous memoir into a film caused Miller to completely change the way he lived, using his own experiences, things he learned along the way and stories of the people he has met to create an epic narrative of self improvement and discovery. The book is summarised perfectly by its subtitle ‘What I learned while editing my life’. The book takes the form of a self help book as well as a memoir, as Miller shares the things he has learned about writing stories and how a good narrative is formed to improve his own life and through the novel, how we can apply it to our own lives. However it wasn't necessarily Miller’s own story that inspired me, it was in fact a story from a friend of Miller that changed my perspective on life.

The story is entitled ‘How Jason Saved His Family’ and is about a man whose daughter has fallen into a bad crowd and the bad habits that go along with them. Miller’s response to hearing his friend’s family troubles is to explain the basis of a narrative- a character that wants something and has to overcome conflict to get it. After hearing this Jason realised that he hadn't provided his daughter with the opportunity to live a good story; that “his daughter had chosen another story, a story in which she was wanted, even if she was only being used” He then goes on to say that he was aware that his daughter wasn't a bad person, she was just trying to make the best of a bad situation by saying “She’s not a bad girl... She was just choosing the best story available to her”.

Jason then goes on to tell Miller on what he did to save his family, he volunteered for them to raise 25,000 dollars to build an orphanage, offering his daughter the chance to choose a better story for herself without forcing her to leave the one she had already chosen. This worked for his family and resulted in his daughter leaving the crowd she had fallen into and the rekindling of his marriage. He managed to convince his daughter to leave the bad story she had chosen for one that was more appealing to her, giving her the opportunity to remain the protagonist of her story without becoming the antagonist either.

This chapter in itself had a deep impact on me. I read this book during a very bad time, a time when I guess you could say that I was living a bad story. I lost myself and everything seemed dark, but for some reason I just couldn't find the light. I saw myself in Jason’s daughter- I spent all of my time looking after other people because I knew they needed me and it distracted me from my own problems, while I let them gradually devour me. The feeling of someone wanting you there, needing you to help them through their life is enough to distract you from your own. Who cares if the rest of your world is falling apart if that one person needs you there? I was aware that I was being used, but it made me feel wanted so I chose to ignore the truth of the situation. I didn't even realise I was doing it, but I spent so much time running and hiding from my problems that in the process, I lost myself too. It got so far that I couldn't even remember the person I was before I started running.

Then I read this chapter and it hit me hard. Until then I hadn't even realised how dark it was and how lost I had become- so I decided to change. This wasn't an overnight fix, I’m not like a car, spending one night in a garage and being as good as new. This change involves constant repair; I’m constantly falling apart or breaking but now every time it happens I just patch myself up again and keep going. But that realisation allowed me to start making changes that slowly improved the way I was living. I withdrew from the bad people I had enveloped myself in, separated myself from their problems and faced my own head on. I dealt with my problems and forced myself to be the hero I had unknowingly been waiting for, and dragged myself kicking and screaming away from my bad story.

And as soon as I made this change I was able to find a new group of friends, people who made me happier, who made me laugh even if I still wasn't in the best of places and who, since then, I have made some of the most amazing memories imaginable with. These changes were small, difficult but small- it wasn't until my dad mentioned it to me, that I realised how much of a difference they had made. We were in the park and I was on the swings, laughing so hard my eyes  had teared at an awful joke he had told and then he looked at me and said ‘I missed this, you were so dark for a while, but you've got your light back’. Somehow these people who I had surrounded myself with had found the light switch inside of me that I had been struggling to find for so long. I put it down to this book that I was able to make these changes that slowly led to the most positive change I have ever made- that led to my light coming back.

Looking back, there is one quote from that chapter that finally applies to me, one that is true to the change that took over 3 years to make. I’m still working on it, I’m still determined make my life the best story imaginable, but for now I’m happy with the story I’m living. I may not have seen the world yet, or changed the way it works but I’m miles ahead of where I was, and I don’t plan on turning back. So if there is a single quote from this book that describes my story in this moment it would be Jason’s closing statement in the story of how he saved his family-

 “She knows who she is. She just forgot for a little while.”

Sunday Afternoons

Everyone seems to live for the weekend. The wild nights that you barely remember and waking up with a stranger who you hope to forget. But sometimes the fast life leaves you breathless, chasing the next party makes you forget where you came from. You end up lost.

There’s people in your life who are the epitome of a Saturday night, the people with whom you share you Marlboro Lights and who dare you to do just one more shot of tequila. And yes, they’re fun- the best kind of distraction from real life with its real life problems and its real life consequences. They are what have you laughing into a bottle of cheap vodka and screaming the words to awful pop songs at the top of your lungs until you’ve forgotten why you drinking vodka from the bottle in the first place. Because who cares about the hangover, or the come down? Who cares about Monday when it feels so far away? You stop caring because as long as there is another party you still have something to run to. And these are the people who will make sure you run until your feet bleed.

But then come the people who are like a Sunday afternoon- you don’t have to chase them until you can’t breathe. You may be sharing your Marlboro’s but they make you a cup of tea to say ‘thanks’. They’re not trying to fill that hole in your life, just trying to make it a little less painful- not trying to distract you from your problems, but help you through them. The people that will have you sitting on a kitchen floor with a bottle of wine at two in the morning and dancing under the stars until you’re so tired that you end up sleeping on your lumpy sofa. Because why would you want to risk the morning after when you don’t need the night before anymore? Who needs to stay out all night when you have a reason to stay home? Why would you hate a Monday morning if it means waking up with your better half snoring softly into the pillow next to yours? You start caring because you never want to have to chase a Saturday night again. They’re the people who keep your feet on the ground while your heart is in the clouds.

That’s why a Sunday Afternoon will always beat a Saturday Night; because it’s not about getting lost, it’s about feeling at home.

New Year, Not-So New Me

Since this is my first post of the year, I thought I'd talk about some of my new years resolutions. Surprisingly this is my first year ever making resolutions; I have always been the type to laugh at the cliche 'New Year, New Me' posts that are always floating about at this time of year, so I thought I'd make some this year and see whether I would keep to them. Plus maybe posting them for the world to see will make me a little more likely to keep them. However I went a bit overboard on the resolution list so thought I'd narrow it down to my top five and give a little insight into why I chose them with each one.

1) Draw, read and write more! - At the end of last year I realised that since starting college I had become insanely lazy when it came to these three things; three of my passions had slowly become more like chores. I will normally finish of a sketchbook or a notebook in under a month but I've yet to finish ones I bought in September! There are books on my shelves that I had been dying to read that I am now too tired to even look at! So in this new year I am determined to get my passion and drive back, I refuse to let my love for these things die out.

2) Learn to cook- This may seem simple to some people but anyone who knows me will know that my culinary skills just about stretch to boiling eggs and making toast. Unless I'm being cooked for I seem to live on cereal, soup and ready meals and that probably isn't the healthiest lifestyle to lead. My family love to bring up how I managed to give myself food poisoning with chicken nuggets so I am determined to have them eating their words by the end of the year.

3) Learn to drive- I turn 17 this year so I am determined to have my driver license before the year is through. Driving will mean I'm a lot less limited in where I can and can't go since trains, buses and taxis make me ridiculously anxious. Plus I will be able to go to the drive-thru Starbucks whenever I want as soon as I have a license; no longer will I have to put up with my dad's dreadful attempts at coffee making!

4) Sleep more- I am a natural born worrier, with anxiety and my tendency to overthink EVERYTHING this makes for very little sleep. Since I was a kid I've been averaging at about 4-5 hours a night, and that comes with a hell of a lot of drawbacks. I'm constantly tired, unable to focus and the bags under my eyes have bags! But no matter how exhausted I am, come 11 o'clock I am completely incapable of sleep because my mid just refuses to shut off. So this year I am determined to get into the habit of going to sleep earlier, for the sake of my mental health and my poor family who are kept awake by me watching TV until 3 in the morning nearly every night.

5) Get a job and stop wasting money- I lost my job in November and have since been unemployed. Now a smart person would have spent there money carefully and saved until they got a new job, but I am not that person and now have around £10 to my name. Plus this year I'm planning to go to Leeds festival and I want to go travelling next year, but at the moment I can barely afford to buy lunch. So this year I need a job and I am determined to get into the habit of saving my money so that I actually afford to do all of these things, otherwise I'm going to be stuck here for a while.

So there is my top five resolutions, bearing in mind there are another 15 or so of the classic 'Be healthier' and 'Spend more time with family' which I am less likely to stick to. As well as all of these I am determined to post at least one thing on here a week, if not more. Whether it is a full blog post, some bits and bobs I've been or something entirely different.

I hope you all had a great Christmas and a happy new year!

-Georgia xx