Night Drives

The dashboard illuminates his toothy grin as we drive through the night; the only sound for miles being the tyres of your beat up truck on the gravel road. I’d called you over an hour ago now after hours of tossing and turning in bed, of course as soon as I told you what was going on you came to pick me up for one of our drives. 

I don’t know when this had become a tradition- it seems like I couldn’t remember a time when we didn’t do this. Whether it was because of my racing thoughts or your dad’s drunken anger, whenever one of us needed the other we would take a drive to the lake. It was already 5AM but thanks to the changing seasons, we still had a good couple of hours before the sun would come up and we’d have to return to the real world. 

You killed the ignition as soon as we pulled into the dusty parking lot and without a word we climbed out and started walking to our spot. I hadn’t bothered to change out of my sweats and vest top so the cold wind made goose bumps pinprick my arms. As soon as you saw my shivering body you gave me you’re old denim jacket- the scent of your aftershave engulfing me immediately. 

It didn’t take us long to get to our spot on the shore but the early hour meant that there wasn’t a soul but us in sight. From where we sat we could see the lights of the city twinkling against the red sky and hear the sound of sirens in the distance. It always amazed me how the night could make the hell we call home seem beautiful. 

We sat like that for what felt like hours- I curled up under your arm as you smoked your cigarettes and spoke about nothing in my ear. Your low morning voice had started to lull me to sleep when you pointed out the sun peeking over the horizon. Without a word we got up and made our way back to your car, mourning our little adventure and anticipating the next one. 

Maybe it wasn’t just the night I loved, but the company- either way I was never as happy as I was on those sleepless nights.

London

It’s the noise, the speed, the attitude. It’s every tiny detail that makes London the best place to get lost and find yourself.

 It’s so big that it will swallow you up and spit you out as a whole new person- it will leave you as a person you didn’t even know you needed when you arrived. You become a happy, confident and collected person just by being there, just like the person who helped you escape whatever it was that made you need to escape to the city in the first place.

It’s dangerous and dirty but that is just another layer to it’s appeal. You have to fight and work your way into the London lifestyle until you have earned your place and can wear it like a badge of honour.

It’s the security of being surrounded by hundreds of people at a time and still being unseen and unembarrassed.

It’s the racing of your heart as you board the Underground, the tension slipping away as you immerse yourself in Bankside and the breathless feelings after dashing through Oxford Street.

All of this is what built my love for London. With every visit I find myself falling deeper into the romance of a lifetime. It is where I belong, the place I was born to be a part of but denied by fate and circumstance. It’s everything I could ever want and more- just beyond my fingertips.    

But not for much longer; so London, my darling London- I shall return to you soon. 

(This was inspired by a trip to London I went on recently to see Measure for Measure at the Globe with some of my dearest friends; Nat, Hannah, Hope and a few other English Literature students- including Natalie and Hope whose amazing blogs I will link at the end- so I thought it fitting to include some of the photos I took. ) 

Hope's Blog- xdumxspiroxsperox.blogspot.co.uk/

Nat's Blog- roaritsnat.blogspot.com

Wanderlust

Ever since I was a little girl I have been obsessed with travelling. When the teacher at primary school asked us what we wanted to do when we grew up I would get some funny looks from the want to be police men and rock stars for saying 'I want to see the world' and teachers would always claim that I had misunderstood the question. The reality was that I wasn't confused or unsure, I've just always known that my career has been optional, what is definite is that what I do with my life has to somehow tie into my need to see and experience everything. Now that isn't to say that I look down on anyone who doesn't have the same need to explore that I do or the people who would rather have a relaxed life with a more consistent schedule, it's just that way of living has never really interested me. One place is just too small for the dreams I have in my head...

My Nana has always said that I get my wanderlust from her; like me, the she can't stand to be in the same place for more than a month or two, and the idea of being stuck in the same place forever makes her feel ill. She's been travelling since my mum was young and I've rarely seen her stay home for more than four months at a time, I'd be surprised if she hasn't seen every part of the world possible by the time she's 70, and even then I know she won't be satisfied. People always joke that I was born with a suitcase, I went on my first holiday when I was 6 months old and ,according to my mum,  I was the only baby who didn't make a sound on the plane! My favourite memories are of holidays, there's just something about being far away from home, and all of the problems there that makes me immeasurably happy.

But this need to see everything isn't always as happy as this. It means that my automatic response to even the smallest problem in life is to run, to run until my feet don't touch the ground and to not turn back until the problem is gone. The amount of times I've gone as far as to look for a plane ticket to nowhere is unreal! It means that when I'm home, I never quite feel right, like I'm trapped. Home isn't home to me anymore, I feel more out of place here than I do in a country where I can't even speak the common tongue.  I guess I just wasn't born for life in one corner, the whole world is my home.

For as long as I've understood the options I have for my future, I've known that the first chance I have I'm going to be running away as far as I can and staying there until I'm dragged home by some commitment or other. I've been counting down the days until then for as long as I can remember, with the promise that I will see as much of the world as possible in that short space of time. I want to see the world, experience other cultures and help as many people as I can along the way.

Whether it's backpacking around Thailand, road-tripping through America or building orphanages in Africa; I just want to leave my mark on the world, and learn some things along the way...