Wanderlust

Ever since I was a little girl I have been obsessed with travelling. When the teacher at primary school asked us what we wanted to do when we grew up I would get some funny looks from the want to be police men and rock stars for saying 'I want to see the world' and teachers would always claim that I had misunderstood the question. The reality was that I wasn't confused or unsure, I've just always known that my career has been optional, what is definite is that what I do with my life has to somehow tie into my need to see and experience everything. Now that isn't to say that I look down on anyone who doesn't have the same need to explore that I do or the people who would rather have a relaxed life with a more consistent schedule, it's just that way of living has never really interested me. One place is just too small for the dreams I have in my head...

My Nana has always said that I get my wanderlust from her; like me, the she can't stand to be in the same place for more than a month or two, and the idea of being stuck in the same place forever makes her feel ill. She's been travelling since my mum was young and I've rarely seen her stay home for more than four months at a time, I'd be surprised if she hasn't seen every part of the world possible by the time she's 70, and even then I know she won't be satisfied. People always joke that I was born with a suitcase, I went on my first holiday when I was 6 months old and ,according to my mum,  I was the only baby who didn't make a sound on the plane! My favourite memories are of holidays, there's just something about being far away from home, and all of the problems there that makes me immeasurably happy.

But this need to see everything isn't always as happy as this. It means that my automatic response to even the smallest problem in life is to run, to run until my feet don't touch the ground and to not turn back until the problem is gone. The amount of times I've gone as far as to look for a plane ticket to nowhere is unreal! It means that when I'm home, I never quite feel right, like I'm trapped. Home isn't home to me anymore, I feel more out of place here than I do in a country where I can't even speak the common tongue.  I guess I just wasn't born for life in one corner, the whole world is my home.

For as long as I've understood the options I have for my future, I've known that the first chance I have I'm going to be running away as far as I can and staying there until I'm dragged home by some commitment or other. I've been counting down the days until then for as long as I can remember, with the promise that I will see as much of the world as possible in that short space of time. I want to see the world, experience other cultures and help as many people as I can along the way.

Whether it's backpacking around Thailand, road-tripping through America or building orphanages in Africa; I just want to leave my mark on the world, and learn some things along the way...

The 'U' word

My whole life my parents have been tight on language, and what words are and aren't acceptable for a young lady, or person, to use. I spent most of my childhood referring to words the grown-ups and naughty kids used as the 'F' word or the 'B' word, simply because to my young mind, they were the worst things you could possibly say aloud. However there was one word that no-one ever warned me about. A word that can ruin lives and alter the way a person lives. That word is the 'U' word, and to me, that is a word no person should ever use.

Ugly is a word that gets thrown around a lot, and because of this people seem to not realise the power behind it. It's come to a point where people treat the word as a joke, and expect others to feel the same way, without considering how the recipients of the word may feel about it.

My whole childhood I was called ugly. I was picked on because I was chubbier than the other kids my age, I was called fat and ugly among other things, however looking back, I don't think half of the kids calling me these things really understood how it was affecting me. However whether they were aware of the the issues they cause for me or not, it is still something that has influenced my life to this very moment. Now I'm not going into detail on its exact affect because it's something I'm still dealing with and something very personal to me.

To me, there is only one explanation for the way I was treated and it's that because of how often the word is used in both media and real life, these kids didn't understand the weight of what they were saying.

Everyday there is a celebrity being called 'fat' or 'a mess' by a troll on the internet, or a grimey journalist and everyday we compare ourselves to these people, especially young girls, and ask ourselves 'If these beautiful people are unattractive, what does that make me?' and the answer is always the same, 'ugly'. And this thought process is what leaves us with such a dangerous word being thrown around so carelessly.

We expect people to handle that word in the same way we do ourselves, forgetting that some people don't feel the same way about the word. For example a few of my friends will jokingly call themselves and others ugly without thinking about it, because to them it is meaningless, but for some people like myself whether the tone was joking or not, it still has a powerful effect on my already low self esteem and mood generally. And I don't blame them for that, whether it's a personal experience with the word that has made me feel this way or not, they aren't aware of the effect it has. But I simply believe it is a word with a lot of power that people underestimate.

So please next time you're thinking about calling somebody ugly, whether it's yourself, somebody else or whether it's as a joke or seriously, just don't.