They have slowly become dependent on the love and company of others and in doing so, have lost their own identity- or at least their own perception of it. They have forgotten that it is possible for them to be alone, to eat alone, to sleep alone and in doing so have forgotten who they are, they struggle to find their inspiration, to grow, to dream, to build their own beliefs because they are now trying to share these things with another person. They forget that even without their partner, they are still a whole. And because of this new found need for companionship they no longer recognise love for what it is and they can never be sure that it is love again because they are no longer sure of themselves.
They slowly come to believe that they are no longer responsible for themselves, that they have to love themselves because they are too busy trying to find someone to save them that they no longer need to take responsibility for their own lives. They have this idea that their lives are like some YA romance novel and that their lives will magically get better when they meet a boy. They don't realise that a love like there's can be one sided and that they deserve better than someone they have to beg to stay- that laying in bed with someone who they had to break their ribs to fit into their heart will not make them less lonely.
But to say all of this without some form of explanation would leave a bitter taste and the impression that I am just lonely and jealous- but that assumption is so far from the truth.
I cannot wait to fall in love. To find someone who sees the dark and twisty roads that are in my head and still walks down them because they know that if they do- there is a sunny field just beyond the horizon. While my friends talk of butterflies and fireworks I will be living burning stars and supernovas- they will describe surprise trips to the country with mild enjoyment while I think of how I was crying with laughter in a supermarket at 2AM. They will relish in the mundane while I think of how we are ice and fire- your warmth melting the frozen parts of me while my kiss soothes your hot head. They settle for comfort while we push each other- take each other to the very limits without ever crossing the line; with a love like an artist has for his paints- their love will seem lukewarm while ours burns my lips with the gentlest of kisses.
I can't wait to be slightly drunk and watching you from our bed while you stand on the balcony at 1AM, thinking of your future. I wont have to ask if I'm in it because I will be comfortable enough in myself to know that even if I am not I would still have my own life to live- but I will still hope, because I am so in love with you.
I don't have to go searching for my "other half" because I have faith that the universe will bring me what I need when the time is right and until that time comes- I am enough of a person to not need someone else. I don't need another half because I am already a whole.
With all of my love,
Georgia x
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