The Now

I am really sorry about my unexplained disappearing act, this post was supposed to have gone up nearly two weeks ago. Just before I went on holiday. However as my holiday neared I started to become extremely overwhelmed; with the anxiety of flying and being in an unknown place, the pressure being put on me as my results near and the constant questions about my plans for the future I found myself so stressed and anxious that I could barely get out of bed. So I decided to disconnect, completely shut myself away from all social media and give myself a break from all of the stress I have been put under and that I have been adding to myself. 

However I am back now, feeling refreshed and in a marginally better or at least different place than I was two weeks ago- and I find it quite ironic that the post I had planned to upload before I went away is in fact very closely linked to this concept of disconnecting. 

Recently a lot of pressure has been put on myself and everyone else around my age to start planning our futures. A Level results day is rapidly approaching and with that comes the time to start applying for university and preparing for our final years of mandatory education.

And with this new need to plan for the future I have found myself dwelling on the past. Every day I find myself considering what my life would be like if I had made a different decision at the crossroads, or if I had missed that bump in the road. I see how fast my life has gone and wonder whether I am happy with how I lived then when I decide on my answer, what I would have done differently, my regrets, my achievements, my happiest and saddest memories and how even the slightest difference could have had such a great impact. It’s thoughts like this that fill my mind at 2 AM, just like they are as I’m writing this- so I apologise for the rambling.

But with this emphasis on my future and my existential thoughts of the past, I somehow have forgotten about ‘The Now’. I am so busy making plans or looking at my regrets that I don’t take the time to appreciate my life in this moment in time. I look at my struggles and wallow in self pity then look at the steep climb that I must take to get to my goals without appreciating the view I have now and the climb it took for me to get here. I am so blessed.

Despite my past I have a beautiful family, who love me endlessly despite my flaws- family who I cannot imagine being without- when a year ago I was convinced that they would be better off without me- who I am now making memories with that I know I will cherish forever. A family who would defend me from the knights of Hell themselves, and win- purely because that is what family does. They accept every part of me and we use each other for strength, whether we admit to it or not. I am surrounded by some truly inspiring and strong people- people who are questionably great role models who I strive to make proud. We mock each other and argue and tease but deep down- there are very few families as close as ours.

 I have friends who see the brightest parts of me and make the dark parts lighter. Who make me smile no matter what I may be going through and who I know will be there for me through everything- friends who seem to only be given to characters in stories and yet somehow I ended up gifted with them in real life. Friends who I have shared some of my happiest and hardest parts of my life with and friends who mean just as much, despite us only being at the start of our journey together.  We are a group of oddly- matched, clashing personalities that constantly bicker and debate and taunt- yet somehow we remain together, bonded by something unspoken and unbreakable. Friends who I know live for the good times and will help me fight through the bad; because that’s just what we do. Friends who I cannot wait to experience life with.

I am privileged and, despite my own problems that are personal to me, I have never struggled. I have never gone hungry, I’ve never been physically abused, I have never been homeless. I live a life that is a gift which I constantly forget to be thankful for and strive to acknowledge more. I don’t want to lose what I have before I notice how much that really is. 

 So I guess this is just a rambley way of me giving praise and thanks to ‘The Now’. I am sorry I forget to appreciate the present while I dream of the future and reminisce of the past. But please know, it’s not because I love it any less- but because I am too busy loving it in its entirety that  I don’t get chance to think about just how happy my ‘Now’ makes me.

Love, 

Georgia xxx

And I thought the best way to end this post was to share some of my favourite ‘Nows’ with you. 

One of the legendary parties

Christmas Shopping in Lone with my Mum and Nana

Thom's 17th Birthday

All Time Low at Wembley Arena

The Tent Party

The Best English Lit Class 

Bread's 18th Birthday

The most candid photo I will ever show to the public

The Eurovision Sweepstake Party 

Another Iconic Party despite the smaller turnout

The only person who I can take good selfies with whilst intoxicated

My pre-17th Meal with my not so baby cousin

My little cousin and baby brother post birthday cake and ice cream

Mrs Nana after too many gin and tonics at my Birthday meal

Celebrating my birthday like it's the 1950's

The better table at my actual birthday meal

The Blog Squad (https://t.co/D1g9u7nVqz , xdumxspiroxsperox.blogspot.co.uk ,
roaritsnat.blogspot.co.uk and  http://www.hipsteeria.blogspot.com/ 
-You should check them all out they're all amazing.)

A surprisingly fun UCAS event

Garden Party in the rain

The Lit Trip to London

My eyebrow and blog mentor (RoarItsNat- she's one of my favourite bloggers ever)

My Lit Partner and favourite YouTube Personality
 (ImMatture- seriously he's hilarious)

Skipping a class to take photos with bad MacBook filters

Pretending to be frat guys

Yet another Garden party 

Drunk Pouting

Road Trip dates 

The first night of our cruise

Partial-Squad trip to Hanley 

"Where are you Christmas"

London

It’s the noise, the speed, the attitude. It’s every tiny detail that makes London the best place to get lost and find yourself.

 It’s so big that it will swallow you up and spit you out as a whole new person- it will leave you as a person you didn’t even know you needed when you arrived. You become a happy, confident and collected person just by being there, just like the person who helped you escape whatever it was that made you need to escape to the city in the first place.

It’s dangerous and dirty but that is just another layer to it’s appeal. You have to fight and work your way into the London lifestyle until you have earned your place and can wear it like a badge of honour.

It’s the security of being surrounded by hundreds of people at a time and still being unseen and unembarrassed.

It’s the racing of your heart as you board the Underground, the tension slipping away as you immerse yourself in Bankside and the breathless feelings after dashing through Oxford Street.

All of this is what built my love for London. With every visit I find myself falling deeper into the romance of a lifetime. It is where I belong, the place I was born to be a part of but denied by fate and circumstance. It’s everything I could ever want and more- just beyond my fingertips.    

But not for much longer; so London, my darling London- I shall return to you soon. 

(This was inspired by a trip to London I went on recently to see Measure for Measure at the Globe with some of my dearest friends; Nat, Hannah, Hope and a few other English Literature students- including Natalie and Hope whose amazing blogs I will link at the end- so I thought it fitting to include some of the photos I took. ) 

Hope's Blog- xdumxspiroxsperox.blogspot.co.uk/

Nat's Blog- roaritsnat.blogspot.com