Let's Drink to Us

I never believed in love. I thought  it was something made up for the purpose of writing books and making films that people eventually started putting into everyday life in order to make it a little more bearable. I guess you could say it was just my own stubbornness that wouldn’t let me admit all of this to you sooner- and if you ever show this to anyone I swear I will kill you.

I knew you were the one almost straight away; even though I refused to admit it to myself at the time- I knew that in some way, you were going to be the game-changer. You know what I mean by that don’t you? I always knew that you would be the one to change my perspective of the world. Now I’m not claiming it was love at first sight- it was more like anxiety; I knew you were going to push me out of my safe little bubble that I had been living in, that’s why I avoided you for so long. I spent months after we first met keep you an arm’s length away, I think you may have even thought I disliked you, but really it was just for my own safety. I didn’t want to risk falling and then you not catching me, or changing your mind at the last second- leaving me battered and bruised at the other end. You scared the hell out of me, and I think that’s how I knew you were the one.

But slowly, very slowly- I started to notice things. When I started imaging the adventures I wanted in my future I was no longer on my own on them, it was always you by my side- with that stupid smile on your face and cracking awful jokes that could make even my icy heart melt. All I could see was that smile, or the way you had a single freckle on your left cheek, your permanently mismatched socks and that one curl in your hair that never went the same way as the rest- it was all you.  People would make comments about the two of us and as we hastily stated that we were just friends they would laugh claiming that “just friends don’t look at each other like that”.

I guess you could say it was a battle of wills, the person who admitted their feelings first lost- it’s always been a battle between the two of us and I think that’s why we work. We would both be bored by an ‘ideal’ relationship; and let’s be realistic, there is nothing ideal or traditional about the two of us. It’s the conflict that keeps our fire burning.

I can’t remember who caved first, despite our need for competition we never seem to have a clear winner, but I do remember the moment that we both said the three scariest words known to man. It was on our mini road trip- I had just turned 21 and you had never been to Disney World so we decided to spend a weekend in Vegas before driving down to International Drive for a week of magic. We had managed to reach Disney just in time for the fireworks and as I turned to see your stupid face grinning back at me as you grabbed my hand in yours, the words tumbled out in the most unromantic way imaginable. Wiping the mustard of my lip from the hotdogs we had inhaled you laughed and mumbled “I love you almost as much as I love Disney as well you idiot”. Then you kissed me and even though you tasted like ketchup, which you know I can’t stand. The moment was still annoyingly perfect- it was just like the movies we go to the cinema and watch purely to make jokes about- there was fireworks (literally) and we forgot everything but each other.

You became not only the person who came on every adventure with me, but also the person who I would cuddle and watch Netflix with. No compliment flattered me as much as the way you would look at me did- it was like you thought I was made of magic.

And now here we are, it feels like decades even though it’s only been a couple of years – I just wanted you to have a way of always knowing that I love you with every piece of my fucked up heart. A way of remembering that even though neither of us is perfect, there is nobody else that I could imagine being imperfect with.

 So I guess I will drink to that- to the perfect little mess we make.

(To clarify this is completely creative, my romantic life is still dead in the water, It was simply inspired by a mixture of exhaustion, my overly emotional brain and videos of Disney proposals and wedding speeches. Also the image isn't mine x)