I have always been a book worm, it runs in the family- there
have been times when I have read 3 books in a day; it took me less than a week
to finish the whole Harry Potter series. I have also always believed that not
one of us is truly original, we are made up of our experiences, the films we
watch, the people we know: the books we read. But I have never been able to
confidently pin-point a single book that shaped the way I lived my life or that
completely changed my perspective on a situation. That was until I read ‘A
Million Miles in a Thousand Years’ by Donald Miller, and I can now say that- without
a shadow of a doubt- that this book changed my life.
The novel chronicles how the process of turning his previous
memoir into a film caused Miller to completely change the way he lived, using
his own experiences, things he learned along the way and stories of the people
he has met to create an epic narrative of self improvement and discovery. The
book is summarised perfectly by its subtitle ‘What I learned while editing my
life’. The book takes the form of a self help book as well as a memoir, as Miller
shares the things he has learned about writing stories and how a good narrative
is formed to improve his own life and through the novel, how we can apply it to
our own lives. However it wasn't necessarily Miller’s own story that inspired
me, it was in fact a story from a friend of Miller that changed my perspective
on life.
The story is entitled ‘How Jason Saved His Family’ and is
about a man whose daughter has fallen into a bad crowd and the bad habits that
go along with them. Miller’s response to hearing his friend’s family troubles
is to explain the basis of a narrative- a character that wants something and
has to overcome conflict to get it. After hearing this Jason realised that he
hadn't provided his daughter with the opportunity to live a good story; that “his
daughter had chosen another story, a story in which she was wanted, even if she
was only being used” He then goes on to say that he was aware that his daughter
wasn't a bad person, she was just trying to make the best of a bad situation by
saying “She’s not a bad girl... She was just choosing the best story available
to her”.
Jason then goes on to tell Miller on what he did to save his
family, he volunteered for them to raise 25,000 dollars to build an orphanage,
offering his daughter the chance to choose a better story for herself without
forcing her to leave the one she had already chosen. This worked for his family
and resulted in his daughter leaving the crowd she had fallen into and the
rekindling of his marriage. He managed to convince his daughter to leave the
bad story she had chosen for one that was more appealing to her, giving her the
opportunity to remain the protagonist of her story without becoming the antagonist
either.
This chapter in itself had a deep impact on me. I read this
book during a very bad time, a time when I guess you could say that I was
living a bad story. I lost myself and everything seemed dark, but for some
reason I just couldn't find the light. I saw myself in Jason’s daughter- I
spent all of my time looking after other people because I knew they needed me
and it distracted me from my own problems, while I let them gradually devour
me. The feeling of someone wanting you there, needing you to help them through
their life is enough to distract you from your own. Who cares if the rest of
your world is falling apart if that one person needs you there? I was aware
that I was being used, but it made me feel wanted so I chose to ignore the
truth of the situation. I didn't even realise I was doing it, but I spent so
much time running and hiding from my problems that in the process, I lost
myself too. It got so far that I couldn't even remember the person I was before
I started running.
Then I read this chapter and it hit me hard. Until then I
hadn't even realised how dark it was and how lost I had become- so I decided to
change. This wasn't an overnight fix, I’m not like a car, spending one night in
a garage and being as good as new. This change involves constant repair; I’m
constantly falling apart or breaking but now every time it happens I just patch
myself up again and keep going. But that realisation allowed me to start making
changes that slowly improved the way I was living. I withdrew from the bad
people I had enveloped myself in, separated myself from their problems and
faced my own head on. I dealt with my problems and forced myself to be the hero
I had unknowingly been waiting for, and dragged myself kicking and screaming
away from my bad story.
And as soon as I made this change I was able to find a new
group of friends, people who made me happier, who made me laugh even if I still
wasn't in the best of places and who, since then, I have made some of the most
amazing memories imaginable with. These changes were small, difficult but
small- it wasn't until my dad mentioned it to me, that I realised how much of a
difference they had made. We were in the park and I was on the swings, laughing
so hard my eyes had teared at an awful
joke he had told and then he looked at me and said ‘I missed this, you were so
dark for a while, but you've got your light back’. Somehow these people who I
had surrounded myself with had found the light switch inside of me that I had
been struggling to find for so long. I put it down to this book that I was able
to make these changes that slowly led to the most positive change I have ever
made- that led to my light coming back.
Looking back, there is one quote from that chapter that
finally applies to me, one that is true to the change that took over 3 years to
make. I’m still working on it, I’m still determined make my life the best story
imaginable, but for now I’m happy with the story I’m living. I may not have
seen the world yet, or changed the way it works but I’m miles ahead of where I
was, and I don’t plan on turning back. So if there is a single quote from this
book that describes my story in this moment it would be Jason’s closing
statement in the story of how he saved his family-
“She knows who she is. She just forgot for a
little while.”
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